no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
