Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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