You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
