Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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