I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize