dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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