I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
