Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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