yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
