Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
PANTIES FOUND
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
