omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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