i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
