Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it hurts more in the daytime
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
