Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
