New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
