His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
