Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
