What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
