You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
