I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
