Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
