I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
