im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
