She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
