Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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