a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
