All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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