Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
