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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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