I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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