...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
