You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
