we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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