PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
