Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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