Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize