Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
