Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
