Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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