I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
