Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i believe in u and ur pee
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