I want you more than these girls want KFC
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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