Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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