to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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