dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
