SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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