kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
