Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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