So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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