I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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