apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
