I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
