She said her name was "party"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
