My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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