I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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