What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
