I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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