Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
