Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
