Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
