You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
