Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
