hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
