I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
