I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
