doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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