My Higher Power is John Stamos
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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