One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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