wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
