I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
