I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
