cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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