Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
