she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
