Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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