If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
