I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just had sex bonerless
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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