You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
